“Surprises are …

“Surprises are best little and often”

I’d say once a month max.

Get him a little surprise. Nothing major; you don’t need to take out a loan.

A box of his favourite sweets with a piece of paper saying “Surprise”, A DVD to watch together, A cheap pair of cosy socks.

Small and sweet.

It’s about small tokens of affection. We can get so comfortable in a relationship that our partners can sometimes forget what it is to be special.

These small tokens will show them we still want them to feel wooed (and makes us feel good too!).

The benefits ALWAYS come back 😉 in one way or another…

 

“Save something…

“Save something for Love”

So you’re going to get lucky.

On a night out, after your first date, maybe even after a few dates.

You may end up doing this quite a few times till you find someone you actually want to have a relationship with. And when you do you should have something EXTRA to give away once things are getting long term. I’m talking about love.

It’s a principle that I actually got from my Catholic upbringing. I NEVER had intercourse with anyone who I wasn’t in a committed relationship with. Ever.

Even though at times I really wanted to give it a go, especially if the guy was really hot. But I didn’t. And boy am I glad!

It means that the intercourse I have had has been truly special and has helped deepen those relationships (avoiding every joke). It has made them special.

I’m not saying wait until you’re married, but just keep something back for the long-termers.

Believe me it’s worth it.

“You can be TOO…

“You can be TOO political”

Until you are elected “Grand overlord of Supreme Gay lore” then the views you hold are your own, and not that of the Battyland community.

Before you wave a flag, before you sign a petition, before you march or chant or riot.

First you are an ambassador. For YOUR OWN experience.

By being alive, admitting your feelings and following your heart you are representing yourself. Not just who you are now, but everything you have gone through to end up at this point.

Sometimes you will come up against people who disagree with your lifestyle, who do not see your sexuality as you see it because their experiences have been different and SOME of those people will also describe themselves as gay.

Before you storm-troop your first date with your opinions, and statistics and experiences; you may wish to listen to his. Understanding where his ideals come from may help you decipher his understanding better, may even inform your own.

Countless guys I know end ‘gay’ debate before it begins by being too firm with their beliefs to listen to other opinions. You don’t have to AGREE, but listening is a fundamental part of sustaining a flow of conversation.

If you can’t discuss a broad subject with anyone who doesn’t already agree entirely with your point of view; maybe you should stick to twitter.

“Unique is a troublesome word”

“Unique is a troublesome word”

You.

You have spent a very long time working on the person you are. Whether deliberately or not; the many years you have inhabited this planet you have been developing your opinions, interests and abilities  which has made you the distinguished person you are today.

Distinguished does not mean Unique. It does not always mean best dressed, sexiest, funniest, smartest, quickest, tallest or fastest. It just means defined. Recognisable. Indentifiable.

Somehow (and the method is not quite clear) we often manage to get the idea into our heads that we are SO unique, SO different that there is no way to find ANYONE who can tick all of our boxes.

So we settle. For less than what we want, for treatment lower than we deserve; because we believe it is the best we can expect.

Well, sugar, I’ve got a little wake-up call for you.

You are a product of the age you live through, the social ladder you grew up in and the tv shows/books/plays/games you encountered along the way and if you believe all of the things I just mentioned were not exposed to countless others; you aren’t being realistic.

OF course there are MILLIONS of people with your sense of humour, THOUSANDS with your opinion of what makes a good partner, HUNDREDS of them with the same top played albums on their iPod and countless of them single, gay and interested in someone just. like. you.

Until you find someone who makes you feel happy COMPLETELY, who you UNDERSTAND and who understands YOU.

Until you are completely happy. Until you make them completely happy.

Don’t you dare settle for less.

“Love is too pr…

“Love is too precious to test”

Let’s face it, sometimes you are going to feel insecure.

Whether his ex drunk texts him or you walk in on him wanking to porn or you go over a week without having sex.

Although each one of those little things may make you feel the foundations of your world quake a little; you HAVE to remember he is a HUMAN BEING.

It is not a crime to be fancied by someone else. It is not a crime to masturbate and sometimes people are just tired/are having a stressful week/are self conscious they haven’t had a chance to trim themselves.

ALWAYS take the PERSON into consideration. Don’t let your friends, or even this blog, make you feel like there are universal RULES to being in a relationship. Everyone’s is different. As long as you feel loved and respected and most of all VALUED, you shouldn’t let your insecurity get the better of you.

Don’t resort to tests and experiments to see if he REALLY gives a shit. Nobody wins and you will probably end up screaming in each others faces when you should have just have spoken about what it is that made you feel insecure in the first place!

Love is supposed to be a game FOR two. Not AGAINST two.

Talk; don’t test.

“Tops are not S…

“Tops are not Straight”

If they were the same thing they wouldn’t have two names.

You may be good at sport, you may not be very camp, you may even be so nerdy that nobody really knows what you are.

But you aren’t straight.

Don’t liken your bottom boyfriend  to a woman, don’t publicly mock his effeminate traits to highlight the absence of your own and don’t try to raise your “straight” status by recounting close calls with members of the opposite sex.

Just like the bottoms of this world, the sight, smell and idea of all things vagina makes you want to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

And ignoring that vital fact is going to make it very embarrassing when you’re crying into your varsity jacket like a little girl when he leaves you…